An emotionally mature person is able to control temper. This person has learned to identify triggers-actions or environments that produce enough stress to provoke a temper tantrum. Let’s call emotional outbursts what they are, temper tantrums. So in order to avoid temper tantrums where one lashes out in anger or hurt, one must first understand the three axioms of trigger points and begin to recognize triggers.
Realizing There is a Trigger
Triggers are a learned response to the environment, a person, or situation. For a person who has been traumatized, triggers can destroy emotional stability and a sense of wellbeing. Many people have been traumatized and react accordingly without ever realizing there is a trigger or a problem. Others are keenly aware there is a problem but do not have the tools to disarm the trigger.
When I was a youth I came to understand this very clearly. My father is a Vietnam War Veteran. When I was very young and he was still coming to terms with his traumatic experiences during war, he showed me very real examples of triggers in action. Every Fourth of July my father would grow very anxious. By the time the fireworks would begin, he would be under the kitchen table trying to keep the bomb-like sounds from sending him back to Vietnam. For many years he was not able to stop those flashbacks. He would have nightmares for weeks after the firework celebration. The whole family would experience the nightmare.
Eventually, through working with groups of other Vietnam Veterans and having a counselor, he was able to enjoy the Fourth of July celebrations. I remember actually sitting under the stars watching the celebration with him when I was in my late teens. As he increased his self-awareness, he was able to prepare himself how to deal with those triggers.
My Father Learned the Three Axioms:
- The Past Cannot Be Changed.
- Others Cannot Be Forced to Change.
- One Can Change a Learned Response in the Present Moment.
He knew that the experience of Vietnam may never leave him completely, flashbacks could come at any moment without warning. He also knew that others would not stop celebrating the Fourth of July, therefore, the fireworks would always be present. So with the help of others dealing with the same stressors, he learned how to prepare himself thereby changing the response and coming to enjoy the celebration.
Control Temper and Stay Connected
In my own journey to Emotionally Mature Business, I learned what triggers I received during that time of my life. I came to understand how those triggers were limiting my growth in business many years later. Through self-awareness I have disarmed those triggers and have emotionally mature solutions that I now rely upon to control temper and stay connected in the moment. Read How to Recognize and Disarm Triggers for insights on how to disarm your trigger points. Over time I will share more of my journey as each topic surfaces in the EMB Community.
Questions to Ponder on Controlling Temper
Do you recognize trigger points in your business relationships?
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